DUNCAN SARKIES: Welcome to Instructions For Modern Living!
NIC MCGOWAN: Have you mentioned that this is the only show to our knowledge that offers Instant Happiness Guaranteed Or Your Money Back! ?
DUNCAN: I was about to tell them. To redeem this exciting offer simply wait until you have reached the end of your life, and get in contact with either Nic or myself in a self-addressed stamped envelope with your bank account number, a personal diary containing your final thoughts and a psychological assessment from a New Zealand psychiatrist.
NIC: A certified psychiatrist.
DUNCAN: That’s right. Now, we warn you that your instant happiness will not happen immediately. To help you attain instant and enduring happiness we will be forced to take you to down some pretty dark emotional alleys. In fact, there is a strong chance that you will not enjoy the experience, but you know what they say: “If it tastes bad you know it must be good for you”.
NIC: I expect there will be passages in this show that some people will find funny and some people will take seriously. It’s a fine line. That happens to me all the time. I ask myself “Is it so bleak it is funny, or is it so bleak it is bleak?” There is no obvious response to this sort of material.